Cherish

Do you ever get those days where you just feel like BLAH!? You all have read the latest Blog and can kind of understand why I might be feeling a particular way. I have been under so much stress lately, that my body feels like JELLO (with by the way sounds really yummy at the moment)... My mind feels like mush and I can not focus on anything but what is going on in my life at the moment. Some can say that after yesterday things might be turning around for me, and I really hope they do. I have noticed when I sit doing nothing it is all I think about. I was looking forward to getting away from the "routine" they call life. Taking a step out of the "norm" and just feel like I could get lost in the moment. *It's going to be put on hold for a little longer* I think I need a vacation from everything... VEGAS BABY! Then there is NORTH CAROLINA. That will be really good for me. I haven't seen my brother in over a year and it's really starting to take a toll on me. (Another thing that has been on my mind) With all the "family" events that are going to be taking place this spring and summer, it really hits a deep hole in my heart. It is so nice to be around family and friends and loved ones but at the same time it causes so much pain for me. I love the fact that I am so close to family. *Just a phone call and a drive away* Dropping everything to be there for someone, it really makes you appreciate what you have. Mike is my Best Friend, and always will be!! It hurts some times to see other families and my own interact with each other. Sibling rivalry amongst my cousins. Aunts and Mothers sitting with children and welcoming a new life. I go in with so much love for everyone and put on my pretty smile, but I can't help but hurt. I really miss the being able to roll over and see him in the same room as me. (For the longest time it was rolling over and wondering if he's even in a bed) I miss the fighting over the remote for what to watch. (Now it's, we like to watch the same things but can enjoy them together) I miss the seeing him with every corner I turned, fighting over who got the bathroom first, the "he's/she's touching me". (Now it's the praying if I'm going to even hear his voice every couple of weeks, even a text would do.) If I could leave everyone with one thing to say I would say... "Cherish the time you have. Don't get up set if your "touching". And remember what is important in life, because you can't turn back time for someone."

I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see.

I sought my god, but god eluded me.

I sought my brother, and found all three.